Some days the things that side blind you, that you never expected to happen hit you so hard in the head and heart that all you wanna do it lay down and die. And still the Earth turns, the sun rises, you have to go on castings, meet people, smile, take shade, and pray for mercy. Why does the heart feel? What makes it have that energetic pull? Why when you find happiness does it leave you alone? That's life is what my friend says. Happiness comes, happiness goes. We just have to navigate the waters of the mind. Happiness is what happens, is what my yogi says. When will it return to me, my happiness, my love, the sweet things in life we just have to absorb them and enjoy them for how long they last. And when they have finished let them die. This is this world. But more than anything i want off this wheel of samsara. Birth life death. Some say it's a gift. Some say it's an evolution. My friend says you have to learn from it. I'm learning. Sometimes you sacrifice the most dear thing to you on the altar of achievement to win something greater than just yourself. It's the only thing that keeps me hanging on. My yogi says everything happens for a reason and for our highest good. I wanna believe it but then why are there so many movies about missed chances? I believe in love and nothing will make me change that. People say i'm stupid to sacrifice every career thing for it but the truth is if babies don't get love, they die. We need this love energy like food. If you find something that can give it to you, you will have so much energy. I used to think my computer and my phone were my happiness. My snowboard. One day my friend said, but anina, those things can not love you. I did not understand at the time that it was not those things, it was the people they ported me to, connected me with, tied me to. I watched this movie, into the wild, and i understood what he found at the end- love has to be shared. At least he got it in the end. I hope these things will pass quickly inside me and that i'll be able to feel the sun shine of love again in my every cell...i'd still walk through fire for that feeling.
